Those Advice given by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."